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Probably one of the most crucial parts of having wisdom in disagreements is your ability to understand and assess situations. This is difficult because our disagreements don’t happen within ourselves, where we understand exactly what we meant, the context of our situation, and the general mindset we had leading up to it. Disagreements are between us and other humans, who approach everything with their unique perspectives that may be very different from your own.

It is important to recognize this because, even with right doctrine, if we fail to pursue understanding in disagreements, we will be unable to employ the wisdom that is needed. We will be like the person who keeps putting more and more gas in their car to get it to start, not realizing the real issue is you need a new battery.

One of the longest recorded disagreements in the Bible had such a problem. Remember the story of Job and his friends? What was a key factor in the disagreement? It seemed that both sides agreed doctrinally that God was sovereign and behind Job’s suffering. However, where they diverged was in their perspective of what had caused it. His friends assumed that Job had sinned, and thus, must repent. Their read on the situation led them to conclude and apply scripture in a certain way.

What was the result? Job called them “worthless comforters.” Biblical knowledge was applied incorrectly because the situation was assessed incorrectly. And these kinds of misunderstandings can be like gasoline to the fire.

And so, when we find ourselves approaching such disagreements with our brothers and sisters in Christ, how should we proceed in a wise manner that will help keep us from having wrong perceptions of the situation so that we may speak faithfully according to the occasion?

  1. Remember your unity. It is easy for disagreements to get personal. And when this happens, we easily stop classifying others in your local body as brother and sister in Christ, and instead, start viewing them as the opponent or opposition. But when we have the mindset of “we are both on the same team,” we keep disagreements from becoming personal. Remember, in praying the Lord’s Prayer, we pray “thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” We don’t seek the furthering of our kingdom or our will.
  2. 2. Seek understanding. So many issues on the level of perception are solvable by loving communication. I say loving, because there is a way we can seek understanding that is unloving, but more on that in a moment. A wise man is concerned with what is true for the sake of truth, not for personal gain. That is why he will seek to know, and if he finds that what he thought was true is off, he will quickly, appropriately, and humbly adjust. And the way this is done lovingly is by asking questions in a way that doesn’t assume but instead, puts into practice “love hopes all things.” (1 Cor. 13)
  3. Believe them. This can be hard. When we have settled on a notion that we like, it is hard to sway ourselves from it. But in light of 1 Corinthians 13, we are called to let love “believe all things.” In seeking to understand the perspective of someone else, you show trust and love by taking them at their word, and no further. If what was said seems to contradict, or produced more questions, go back to point 2.
  4. Read Fruit. What I mean by this is that yes, you take them at their word, but you then also realize that it should be born out over time in their life. Is what they have communicated been proven in some form? If they have said one thing and then have done another, you are in the right to have questions. But even this should bring us back to point 2.

And as this loop continues, you will slowly start to have a much better picture of the situation and will be able to speak faithfully according to scripture; whether it be calling out sin, giving better counsel, maintaining fellowship, or better refuting unbiblical thinking. But in all of this, we want to handle disagreements faithfully, and that means we seek to understand before speaking, that we may use scripture well.